He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
