i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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