if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
