She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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