Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
