So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
