I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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