there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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