i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
