I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
