I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
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Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
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I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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