Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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