when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
