hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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