i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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