I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
