why didn't you poke me back
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
