Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
