..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
