I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
