I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
