So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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