well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
