I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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