oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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