Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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