Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
