Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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