I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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