I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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