i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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