I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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