im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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