So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
