Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
What did we do last night that was yellow?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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