P.S. I can't hear my feet
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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