she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
