Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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