my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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