So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
