I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
