put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i may or may not be watching the land before time
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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