Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can't turn off my feet"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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