Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
