Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
