I didn't shave. On purpose
no, he came in my armpit
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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