Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
