Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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