did you get engaged???
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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