her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i came on her dog
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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