i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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