Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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