I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
