even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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