I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
only you would photoshop your dick
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
