I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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